DEVIL WOMAN
Dear Dr. Tony,
My name is Roberta Blutheart and I have a serious question. I am a woman, a sexy woman, in fact most men want to jump my loins when they first catch hold of the sight of my smoking hot britches. That is besides the point. I am afraid I might have contracted something real crazy like a sex disease or one of those diseases you can get from having sex. I like saying sex…a lot. I know, I know, that is very unlike a “lady” to talk that way, but I will be the first to tell you, I am the closest thing to a man you can get to without a dick. I love me a throw in the hay, all day you know what I mean? They called me Roberta the Flirta on account-a all the first dates I would go on in high school. I took the first seed out of a mess of boy’s a whole mess of ‘em.
So like I said I am afraid I might of contracted some disease, ‘cause once o’ month I start bleeding from my unmentionables and I get pissier than an old man who loss his bladder control. I mean I want to bitch and moan all day about everything.
Am I dying or possessed by the devil hisself?
Please help,
Sincerely,
Roberta Blutheart
Cairo, Il.
Dear Roberta,
Gadzooks!!!! Devil’s are no laughing matter. I have been afraid of them since I got socked in the head by a hockey puck at a New Jersey Devil’s hockey game in the early 80’s. My parents left me for dead in the stadium among some half eaten hot dogs, and a box of nachos. The stench of highly processed food was the only thing that kept me from going towards that sweet cold beautiful light. At any rate, after being pulled back from the icey grip of death, I had a lot of trouble watching Looney Tunes cartoons in fear of seeing that monstrous ne're-do-well, the tazmanian devil. AHHHHHH! Scary Shit Dudette. That son of a bitch is like a musky hairy shitstorm tornado. He doesn’t even say words for Christ Sakes! Just a bunch of grunts and clicks like the devil has got a hold of the poor beasts tongue himself. “ blah blue Blah blah blue blah”
Sorry pal, We speak-a the English here.
Then we come to the worst of the worst. Devil’s food cake. The devil must be a fat motherfucker if he is sitting on his sorry ass eating cake all day. Cake. The ruler of the netherworld, lord of evil, all he wants is cake. Sound’s like the lord of darkness is a little special. Ya know, like Rain Man. Dustin Hoffman he is not.
I wonder what it would be like to make out with Tom Cruise?
Oh my! I am possessed, it’s the devil talking through me, oh! Why is he making me BULGE to Tom Cruise! Damn You Devil! Damn You!!!!!!
Good luck Roberta! Stick a cork in it!
Sincerely,
Dr. Tony
P.S. Remember, I am just a goddam puppet. What in the hell do I know?
My name is Roberta Blutheart and I have a serious question. I am a woman, a sexy woman, in fact most men want to jump my loins when they first catch hold of the sight of my smoking hot britches. That is besides the point. I am afraid I might have contracted something real crazy like a sex disease or one of those diseases you can get from having sex. I like saying sex…a lot. I know, I know, that is very unlike a “lady” to talk that way, but I will be the first to tell you, I am the closest thing to a man you can get to without a dick. I love me a throw in the hay, all day you know what I mean? They called me Roberta the Flirta on account-a all the first dates I would go on in high school. I took the first seed out of a mess of boy’s a whole mess of ‘em.
So like I said I am afraid I might of contracted some disease, ‘cause once o’ month I start bleeding from my unmentionables and I get pissier than an old man who loss his bladder control. I mean I want to bitch and moan all day about everything.
Am I dying or possessed by the devil hisself?
Please help,
Sincerely,
Roberta Blutheart
Cairo, Il.
Dear Roberta,
Gadzooks!!!! Devil’s are no laughing matter. I have been afraid of them since I got socked in the head by a hockey puck at a New Jersey Devil’s hockey game in the early 80’s. My parents left me for dead in the stadium among some half eaten hot dogs, and a box of nachos. The stench of highly processed food was the only thing that kept me from going towards that sweet cold beautiful light. At any rate, after being pulled back from the icey grip of death, I had a lot of trouble watching Looney Tunes cartoons in fear of seeing that monstrous ne're-do-well, the tazmanian devil. AHHHHHH! Scary Shit Dudette. That son of a bitch is like a musky hairy shitstorm tornado. He doesn’t even say words for Christ Sakes! Just a bunch of grunts and clicks like the devil has got a hold of the poor beasts tongue himself. “ blah blue Blah blah blue blah”
Sorry pal, We speak-a the English here.
Then we come to the worst of the worst. Devil’s food cake. The devil must be a fat motherfucker if he is sitting on his sorry ass eating cake all day. Cake. The ruler of the netherworld, lord of evil, all he wants is cake. Sound’s like the lord of darkness is a little special. Ya know, like Rain Man. Dustin Hoffman he is not.
I wonder what it would be like to make out with Tom Cruise?
Oh my! I am possessed, it’s the devil talking through me, oh! Why is he making me BULGE to Tom Cruise! Damn You Devil! Damn You!!!!!!
Good luck Roberta! Stick a cork in it!
Sincerely,
Dr. Tony
P.S. Remember, I am just a goddam puppet. What in the hell do I know?
posted by Tony Sam at 9:40 PM
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