Carrots filled with RAGE!

Dear Dr. Tony,


I am a Prop comic, and have a problem. I all started out very innocent, I would go on stage with a chest full of bullshit, I actually referred to it in my act as the “Chest of Bullshit”.

At any rate I was doing my stupid obvious act for a long time, and then one day I was walking past a GNC, and I thought to myself, “ Hey Self, are you tired of getting sand kicked in your face at the beach? Are you tired of get your black leather thong underpants pulled up your ass-crack and over your head? ‘Cause I sure am.”

Anyways, I was a lanky goofy redhead,



and I looked like the character in that movie that Eic Stoltz played, you know Mask. Man I would love to get into a Time Machine and go back to when that movie was made ‘cause I would bone Cher real good. Not now though, she looks like a bowling bag with black hair. Ickkk!!!!!! But that all changed, I am a real sack of man beef now though. I look like a goddam juiced up troll doll.



I bought everything off the shelves and loaded my body with proteins, and electrolytes, and joined Gold’s Gym. I started lifting weights like crazy, I mean stupid crazy. I put weights on my weights I was so smitten with the shit. My muscles bulged, and I couldn’t get strong fast enough, so then I started shooting steroids, and I got big fast. I had muscles on my muscles which worked out cause of my weights on the weights thing, but I was really mad all the time.



In the middle of my bullshit comedy routine, I was doing a joke where I have a stuffed bee, and I am all like Bee – Leave me Bee leave me, I repeat it because on the second or third time one or two people laugh all the time, I call it my money shot three-peat.

Any way, nobody laughs and I get fucking so pissed, I rip the Bee doll in half and say, “ Fuck Everybody! Fuck the World!” I start beating everybody up, and I make love to all the girls in the room. I mean I guess it’s a matter of perspective, I was making love, and the girls were receiving unwanted sexual advances.

Is love a crime? No. Any way I am so pissed off right now I want to punch this computer in the face. Fuck you words, fuck you words,, Fuck you Dr. Tony, What’s wrong with me? Fuck you, please help.


Carrot Top
Las Vegas, NV.




Dear Mr. Carrot Top,
I am just a puppet Dr. weak and frail, and don’t want to anger the obvious horde of demons lurking around in that bizarre, yet engaging skull of yours.

I don’t see a thing wrong with you, hell if anything there is something wrong with me, yes sure thing, that’s what it is…it’s me. I apologize. What a sad state of affairs this world has come to. When a bad prop comic can’t fill his body full of substances and become an incredible hulk.

Kudos to you, sir. Kudos to strength comedy!

Sincerely Dr. Tony.

P.S. I am sorry.