Home Pregnancy Test

Dear Dr. So and So,

My name is Brenda T. Smooten, and I think I might have a baby kicking around in my drawers. My britches get real itchy, and my belly is big like a watermelon. I am pretty heavy as it is, but now my belly moves and jiggles, and get's angry. It feels like I done ate a twelve pack of sliders all the time, and chased it with a Ginger Beer.

I have to make doodie poop all the time too. What do you think? I ain't ever had sexual intercourse, on account of I am fugly. My pop tells me so every day. It's o.k. he means well. I think I might have the baby jesus in my belly. You think that'd make me rich like Donald Trump? I have better hair then him , so it'll be okay. Well...I had scarlet fever and it made all my hair keep fallin' out, but I have a real pretty wig I made from my dog, Scratchy's hair he shed.

I look like Barbara Streisand. I reckon.

My favorite thing you say is how you is just a Puppet and that we should remember it. Goddamit!

HA!

Thanks and answer my question quick, I might just pop.

Brenda 45, Jackson, MS.



Dear Brenda,

Baby Jesus's, or Jesi as we call them are pretty common actually so don't go thinking, "Hey! Look at me I am the King of Siam, I got a Gold baby Jesus!". Sometimes they don't even come out gold at all. I once delivered a lead baby Jesus once. Completely worthless.

In my opinion Chocalate Jesi are the best. Much better than Easter Bunny ones. I wonder if it is smart to take half a mushroom before giving medical advice?

My God the room is a rainbow!!!! Wow, Far out! My hand can pass through objects. I am totally serious dude. I am going to shit in a coffee cup. Mother Scratcher!!!

Brenda....Brenda...B-R-E-N-D-A ha ha your name is pretty fly. Fly like an Eagle to the sea

I going to eat a...........


Stuff is cool.

yonT .rD