Pizza head
Dear Dr. T,
I hail from the deep south, in the Kentucky fried state of Alabama. Moline to be precize. I have got a “friend” who has a cundition something awful. My, I mean his hair is coming out in clumps and basket fulls, and I think he’s got something called, Alapizza. Now, I am no perfressional like yerself, but when my pal first told me that term, I was like that sure sounds I-talian. Kinda like, “hey here’s yer pizza”. I only eat American food, by the by, I don’t want to turn into no homosensual.
So my friends head looks like a giant bird egg nestled on a bed of fluffy hair. Only this egg has a face and a body attached to it. He used to have a giant fluffy afro, because he was a clown in the circus. His name was Puffy. He has got a serious weight problem too. I mean who wants to be with a bloated bald circus clown? I wouldn’t. Most of the time it is hard cause all his friends think being a clown is not American and they threaten to tie him to their Ford F150, and drag the clown right out of his hippy ass. I say that is down right cruel. I am amerc….he is American as apple pie and fried lamb balls.
What do I do about this alapizza and everything?
Sunserly,
Gabriel T. FartMuffin
Dear, Gabe
I don’t want to add insult to injury but you also sound like a goddam moron. Tell me if I am way off here, but you are pretty dumb right? The problem you have is called alopecia and it is highly contagious. Do me a solid and wrap yourself in Hefty bags right now! You don’t want to get everyone bald do you? This is not laughing matter I assure you. The next step you have to take is cut off all ties to the outside world, they are now your enemy. Refuse all mail, and don’t answer the phone, and only eat Ritz crackers. They are the only brand that is guaranteed implant safe.
Now cover your head in foil so the aliens get into your head, and go sit in the bathtub, it’s the only safe place to be.
I don’t really have time for this today, I just got cable and have been watching a lot of the sci-fi channel lately. I want to get back to watching my programs. I will say this, after watching the sci-fi channel for 2 days straight, I am no longer impressed by lasers. They are boring!
Good luck, and remember, I am only a G.D. puppet what in the wide wide world of sport do I know about anything.
Love,
Dr. Tony
P.S. Ask Dr. Tony is now sponsored by Hefty and Ritz , get some today!
I hail from the deep south, in the Kentucky fried state of Alabama. Moline to be precize. I have got a “friend” who has a cundition something awful. My, I mean his hair is coming out in clumps and basket fulls, and I think he’s got something called, Alapizza. Now, I am no perfressional like yerself, but when my pal first told me that term, I was like that sure sounds I-talian. Kinda like, “hey here’s yer pizza”. I only eat American food, by the by, I don’t want to turn into no homosensual.
So my friends head looks like a giant bird egg nestled on a bed of fluffy hair. Only this egg has a face and a body attached to it. He used to have a giant fluffy afro, because he was a clown in the circus. His name was Puffy. He has got a serious weight problem too. I mean who wants to be with a bloated bald circus clown? I wouldn’t. Most of the time it is hard cause all his friends think being a clown is not American and they threaten to tie him to their Ford F150, and drag the clown right out of his hippy ass. I say that is down right cruel. I am amerc….he is American as apple pie and fried lamb balls.
What do I do about this alapizza and everything?
Sunserly,
Gabriel T. FartMuffin
Dear, Gabe
I don’t want to add insult to injury but you also sound like a goddam moron. Tell me if I am way off here, but you are pretty dumb right? The problem you have is called alopecia and it is highly contagious. Do me a solid and wrap yourself in Hefty bags right now! You don’t want to get everyone bald do you? This is not laughing matter I assure you. The next step you have to take is cut off all ties to the outside world, they are now your enemy. Refuse all mail, and don’t answer the phone, and only eat Ritz crackers. They are the only brand that is guaranteed implant safe.
Now cover your head in foil so the aliens get into your head, and go sit in the bathtub, it’s the only safe place to be.
I don’t really have time for this today, I just got cable and have been watching a lot of the sci-fi channel lately. I want to get back to watching my programs. I will say this, after watching the sci-fi channel for 2 days straight, I am no longer impressed by lasers. They are boring!
Good luck, and remember, I am only a G.D. puppet what in the wide wide world of sport do I know about anything.
Love,
Dr. Tony
P.S. Ask Dr. Tony is now sponsored by Hefty and Ritz , get some today!
posted by Tony Sam at 8:48 AM
1 Comments:
Stumble on your video, found your blog- wish I could be in chicago to catch your act sometime- hope you'll be posting again soon , you're blog is hilarious!
kisses.
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